


Madness

by RegulusBlackDeservedBetter



Category: IT - Stephen King, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable Georgie Denbrough, Aged-Up Character(s), Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Amputee Georgie Denbrough, Bella Swan with a Backbone, Ben Hanscom is a Good Friend, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Beverly Marsh Stays in Derry, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bill Denbrough & Eddie Kaspbrak Are Best Friends, Bill Denbrough is a Good Friend, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bisexual Disaster Richie Tozier, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Good Friend, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Little Shit, Esme Cullen exists, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Consent, F/M, Gay Disaster Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Georgie Denbrough Lives, Group Chat Fic, Hypochondriac Eddie Kaspbrak, I Love the Losers Club (IT), I know, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, Losers Club Group Chat (IT), M/M, Messy, Mike Hanlon Isn't Homeschooled, Mike Hanlon is a Good Friend, Mike Hanlon loves his sheep, Modern Losers Club (IT), Pansexual Ben Hanscom, Pansexual Mike Hanlon, Parent Edward Cullen, Pennywise happened, Polyamory, Post-Breaking Dawn, Post-Pennywise (IT), Promises, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, Richie Tozier is a Good Friend, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Sad, Stanley Uris Has OCD, Stanley Uris Loves Birds, Stanley Uris is So Done, Stanley Uris is a Good Friend, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Texting, The Losers Club Are Good Friends (IT), These tags, Vampire Bella Swan, Writer Bill Denbrough, all the twilight fam are, anymore- Freeform, for reading, in the losers club, it wont be weird, of the losers, renesmee cullen and jacob black are both of age, straight- Freeform, thank you, the cullens are pulled into the chaos, they are a
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24313384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegulusBlackDeservedBetter/pseuds/RegulusBlackDeservedBetter
Summary: Yeehaw: I live on a farm and a cannibal once waved at me with a dead childs arm and I am still not over that.Living mood: Wow, your town is fucked up.Yeehaw: tell me about it.The Cullens get a notification telling them that they have been added to the 'Number neighbours/ group chat. A group chat that includes all the losers club. This will be interesting!Sorry, I am not very good with summaries.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough & Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom/Eddie Kaspbrak/Beverly Marsh/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jacob Black/Renesmee Cullen, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris, They are friends - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. Richie THINKS?

**Author's Note:**

> I am English, so I am sorry if I use any slang, spelling, or words that Americans don’t use. This is my first fanfiction so please no flames. I got some of the inspo for conversation through memes (😂) so if it sounds like anything you have heard before, that is probably why. I liked the Cullens in Twilight ( I don’t like the author, Bella, or the “plot” though) and the Losers have my whole heart so yeah. I usually imagine weird crossovers in my head at night of my favourite fandoms, but I have never really written about them so here we are now! Hope you enjoy and hope you have a little laugh!<333  
> p.s: I had to copy and paste that emoji, so appreciate it.  
> p.p.s: I can’t write scenes that are not texting very well so this will probably be my first and last, sorry.  
> p.p.p.s: this is set in 2018, Bella became a vampire in 2008 and the losers club are 17 :)

It was a pretty normal day in the Cullen household. It was the weekend, which meant no school for the “teenagers” and so everyone was doing their own stuff around the house. Jasper was off hunting with Emmett and Esme, Carlisle was reading an outdated book from the 1800’s about medicine while admiring how far humans had come and Rosalie was trying on new dresses with Alice that they had recently got from the store. Renesmee and Jacob were in her room doing god knows what and Edward and Bella were probably fucking. Like I said before: normal. 

That is until, at around 7:30 pm, when everyone was settled in the living room, quietly chatting, when all of them got a notification on their phones. Without really caring, they quickly glanced at the notification before looking at their phones in utter confusion. They had gotten added to a group chat called ‘Number neighbours’ with seven strangers. Quickly looking at each other then back at the screen, they decided that, if they were going to live forever anyway, what’s the problem with texting seven possible paedos? 

* * *

  
Number Neighbours 

September 11th, 19: 10

Richie Tozier created group chat ‘Number Neighbours’ 

Richie Tozier added Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Beverly Marsh and Bill Denbrough to ‘Number Neighbours’

Richie Tozier has changed Richie Tozier’s name to “Trashmouth”   
Richie Tozier has changed Eddie Kaspbrak’s name to “Eds <3”  
Richie Tozier has changed Bill Denbrough name to “ B-b-b-bill”  
Richie Tozier has changed Beverly Marsh’s name to “Queen Bev”  
Richie Tozier has changed Ben Hanscom name to “Benny boy”  
Richie Tozier has changed Stanley Uris’ name to “Tweet tweet”  
Richie Tozier has changed Mike Hanlon’s name to “Yeehaw”

Trashmouth: Wassup fuckers

Tweet tweet: No.

Trashmouth: yes

Eds <3: My names is not Eds, Rich! 

Trashmouth: hmm, I think you underestimate my ability to not care

Eds <3: You’re unbelievable

Trashmouth: Don’t you mean unbelievably good in bed? ;)

Yeehaw: beep beep Richie

Tweet tweet: Beep beep fucker.

Benny boy: beep beep

Queen Bev: beep beep Rich

B-b-b-bill: beep beep Richie- I hate my name

Eds <3: beep be- YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST.

Queen Bev: we know.

Trashmouth: btw the names are locked in, you can’t change them

B-b-b-bill: fucker

Queen Bev: Bill, speak for yourself, I love my name.

Trashmouth: Bev is too much of a legend to give a horrible name to :/

Queen Bev: aww ty

Trashmouth: <333

Trashmouth: anywayssss

Trashmouth: I was thinking…

Yeehaw: You can think?

Trashmouth: IVE BEEN BETRAYED BY MIKEY BOY

Trashmouth: I AM HURT

Eds <3: shut up and just say what you were “thinking”

Trashmouth: harsh.

Trashmouth: I was thinking that we should use this gc I just made to invite our number neighbours into. 

Queen Bev: I like it 

Queen Bev: to add to the chaos we could ask Georgie to make up three phone numbers and add them too :)

B-b-b-bill: are you trying to guilt-trip me into agreeing by letting Georgie be involved?

Trashmouth: maybeeeee

B-b-b-bill: its working, I vote yes

Queen Bev: so do I 

Benny boy: yeah, I’m in, I wanna make some new friends UwU

Trashmouth: are we not good enough for you?? 

Benny boy: Of course you guys are, I love you guys. It would be cool to make more though

Queen Bev: aww Ben, ily 

Benny boy: ilyt :)

Tweet tweet: Gross. 

Eds <3: RICHIE DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PAEDOPHILES ARE ON THE INTERNET THAT COULD HURT US! THERE ARE SO MANY AND WE WOULD BE GIVING THEM ALL KINDS OF PERSONAL INFORMATION AND THEN THEY WILL COME FOR US AND KILL US! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF AGREEING TO THIS GUYS, RICHIE IS JUST BEING DELUSIONAL!!

Benny boy: I was waiting for Eddie to freak out.

Trashmouth: aww I love you too Eddiekins <3 It’ll be fine, we can become friends and then they wont want to kill us :)

Yeehaw: I think it’ll be fine, if we can stop a child-eating, alien clown from killing us then I think we can stop a bunch of paedos.

Trashmouth: tHANK YOU. Mikey is always there for me :)))

Yeehaw: … we’ll see about that…

Tweet tweet: My boyfriends are begging me with puppy dog eyes, I can not say no to that. But if I did have a choice, I would be saying no.

Trashmouth: excellent, we all agree that nothing could possibly go wrong :)

Eds<3: no-

B-b-b-bill: Georgie has chosen three random numbers, Eddie. You cant just tell him all his kind work was for nothing because his older brother Eddie didn’t want to do it. 

B-b-b-bill: Imagine how heartbroken he would be

Eds <3: Okay, okay, I’ll do it

Eds <3: Just know that you are a terrible person for guilt-tripping your best friend to do an extremely stupid thing.

Tweet tweet: ↑

Trashmouth: Yay, we all want to do this, everyone send me your one of your number neighbours and Bill, send me Georgie’s numbers. I’ll add them all in :)

Eds <3: that smile is pure evil. I regret ever agreeing to this.


	2. Who knew introductions take so dam long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have much of a plot for this story, as I started it out of nowhere once I got the idea but what I have in my head for plot is okay I think. This fic is more going to be about the characters and becoming friends and stuff more than anything else. There might be a touch of angst but I’m not sure yet. I write this note before I start the chapter, so it’ll be fun to see where I go. I forgot to mention before, but there will be swearing (mostly from the losers) because I am a Gen Z kid and the Losers swear in canon. I am supposed to be doing schoolwork but this is more important lol. Anyways, enjoy :) !

Number Neighbours

September 11th, 19: 30

Richie Tozier added Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale, Alice Cullen, Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Renesmee Cullen and Jacob Black to ‘Number Neighbours’

Trashmouth: Hi, welcome to Chili’s 

Tweet tweet: Shut up moron.

Trashmouth: I thought we were friends Stan the Man ;( I thought we were in it together ;((((

Tweet tweet: Go annoy Eddie instead.

Eds <3: eXCUSE ME STANLEY

Trashmouth: Great idea!!

Eds <3; Don’t you dare, dickwad. I have the power of god and anime on my side!

Carlisle Cullen: Uhm, hello?

Benny Boy: Hi! Thank you for stopping them going at each other AGAIN

Tweet tweet: Put a full stop at the end of your sentence Ben.

Benny boy: .

Carlisle Cullen: Please can you tell me why me and my family have been added to this group chat with 7 other people that we have no relation to.

B-b-b-bill: Basically, Trashmouth had the amazing idea to make a group chat with us and all our number neighbours (people who have similar phone numbers as us) and become friends. 

Queen Bev: Some of us were willing participants

Eds <3: and SOME OF US were not

Trashmouth: Awww, c’mon Eddie Spaghetti, you know you love me <3

Eds <3: That’s not my name! and it doesn’t make you any less annoying, asshole….

Trashmouth: EDS SAID HE LOVES ME!!!

Trashmouth: ITS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE

Yeehaw: Keep you lovers quarrels on our group chat you two, we have to introduce ourselves to our new friends.

Rosalie Hale: Who said we wanted to be friends?

Trashmouth: Who said we care?

Esme Cullen: Calm down you two. We are happy to become friends with you lot.

Benny boy: :) 

Jacob Black: We should get to know each other later with Twenty questions.

Alice Cullen: Yes! This is going to be so much fun!!!

B-b-b-bill: Sure, why not?

Tweet tweet: we actually have to introduce ourselves first. *eye roll*

Carlisle Cullen: My bad. My name is Carlisle, I am twenty-three and work as a doctor in my town.

Esme Cullen: My name is Esme, I am also twenty-three and me and Carlisle are married. I work as an interior designer and I give money to different charities. 

Queen Bev: That’s nice :)

Esme Cullen: Thank you, my dear.

Emmett Cullen: My name’s Emmett, I’m 19 and I’m studying in college for a career in engineering. 

Eds <3: Think of all the germs and diseases you could get though! That is so unsanitary, you could DIE!

Yeehaw: I think Eddie likes you already :0 

Rosalie Hale: Hmph. I am Rosalie Lilian Hale, I am 19 and in same field as my fiancée Emmett.

Queen Bev: #couplegoals

Benny boy: I thought we were couple goals…

Queen Bev: We are Ben! They are on their way up though. :)

Benny boy: <3

Alice Cullen: You two are so cutee <3!! I’m Alice, 17, and I want to do fashion designing!

Queen Bev: So do I! <3

Alice Cullen: We are going to be such great friends!

Jasper Hale: My names Jasper, I’m 19, I don’t really wanna be in this chat and I’m majoring in History.

Tweet tweet: mood.

Yeehaw: mood.

B-b-b-bill: mood.

Yeehaw: #boyfriendgoals

Carlisle Cullen: Boyfriend goals?

Yeehaw: Yeah, me, Bill and Stan are dating.

Tweet tweet: *Bill, Stan, and I.

Bella Cullen: Wait, you can do that?

B-b-b-bill: Yeah?

Bella Cullen: That would’ve been so much easier

Edward Cullen: Excuse me?

Renesmee Cullen: Don’t you dare try to steal my boyfriend, mum!

Eds <3: WTF?

Jacob Black: It’s a long story. We should carry on with the introductions.

Bella Cullen: Yeah. My name’s Bella Cullen, I’m 18 and I like baking with Esme.

Trashmouth: YOUR SAVIOUR IS BACK FROM BEING LECTURED ABOUT THE “PROPER WAY” TO EAT A BAGEL!

Tweet tweet: I’ve never met this man in my life.

Benny boy: skjsksjsk STAN

Queen Bev: STANLEYYYY 

Trashmouth: I like baking too!! :)

Eds <3: You almost burned down your kitchen making CEREAL!

Trashmouth: How was I supposed to know that you don’t put the cereal on the oven before adding milk?

Eds <3: It’s common sense Chee. You are hopeless.

Trashmouth: hopelessly devoted to you, Eddiebun

Eds <3: Not my name asshat.

Renesmee Cullen: INTRODUCTIONS!

Edward: Well said Nessie. I am Edward Cullen; I am 17 years of age and I would like to become a musician

Trashmouth: But doesn’t that require, like, effort

Yeehaw: Yeah, that’s kinda the whole point *eye roll*

Trashmouth: you didn’t need to eye roll me. I will tell your sheep what you did.

Yeehaw: Don’t you dare burden my sheep with misinformation!

Bella Cullen: Uhmm, okay?

Renesmee Cullen: I’ll go next! I’m Renesmee, Nessie for short, I’m 16 and I want to do interior designing like Esme! 

Benny Boy: That’s a …unique name

Bella Cullen: and..?

B-b-b-bill: Its just not a name you hear often, that’s all he was trying to say.

Jacob Black: I should probably introduce myself now, I’m Jacob, I am also 16 and I don’t really know what I want to do when I’m older.

Trashmouth: Before we introduce ourselves, I need to really quickly change your names.

Trashmouth has changed Carlisle Cullens name to "Doc McStuffins"  
Trashmouth has changed Esme Cullens name to "probably a Karen"  
Trashmouth has changed Emmett Cullens name to "Emmy"  
Trashmouth has changed Rosalie Hale name to "Rosie pie"  
Trashmouth has changed Jasper Hales name to "Living mood"  
Trashmouth has changed Alice Cullens name to "A lice"  
Trashmouth has changed Edward Cullens name to "Simp 1"  
Trashmouth has changed Bella Cullens name to "Bellaboo"  
Trashmouth has changed Renesmee Cullens name to "not like other girls"  
Trashmouth has changed Jacob Blacks name to "Simp 2"

Trashmouth: Okay, so we can play Twenty Questions quicker, all of my friends are quickly going to say our stuff and then we can get to playing :)

Tweet tweet: We need to set some rules before we play it though, Rich

Trashmouth: aww, :(

Trashmouth: I’m Richie Tozier, the man, the myth, the legend, I’m 17 and I want to do stand-up comedy because fuck school

Eds <3: I’m EDDIE (NOT ANYTHING OTHER THAN EDDIE!) I’m also 17 and I want to become a doctor of some kind.

Tweet tweet: My name is Stan, I am 17 and I would like to die. An accountant job would also be sufficient.

B-b-b-bill: Mood, babe. I am Bill, my name is Bill, not B-b-b-bill, I am 18 (hah) and I would preferably join Stan in his dying but I can’t so I want to be either be an artist or a Horror novelist.

Yeehaw: You would be good at Horror, Bill. I’m Michael with a B and I am deathly afraid of insects.

B-b-b-bill: Stop stop stop. Where’s the b?

Yeehaw: ThErEs A bEe?

Benny boy: sksjkssjsk

Yeehaw: I would never miss a chance to quote a vine. Anyways, I’m Mike, I am also 18 and I wanna be a cowboy, baby.

Yeehaw: I actually am a farmer- kind of- but SOMEONE took my phone.

Queen Bev: wow, I wonder who. I am Beverly, or Bev, I am 17 and like Alice I want to get a job fashion designing. :)

Benny boy: Guess I’m last. I am Ben, Ben, I am 17 and I want to be an architect <3

Tweet tweet: Now that the introductions are done with, lets set down the ground rules for Twenty Questions, shall we.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished it! That went on way longer than I expected it too lol. I think you can probably tell that I like vine. Sorry if your favourite characters don't have the most screen time. This is my first time writing a texting fic and it is hard to give everyone equal lines when we have 17 people. The Cullen’s aren't really talking much and I'm sorry for that but they will get more and more lines as it progresses lol. Anyways, I'm going to go and write the Get to know chapter (I am really excited to write it :) ) I can tell you now that it will be quite interesting! Have a nice morning/day/evening everyone


	3. 20 Questions (pt1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very long. I have been sitting in my bed for 8 hours straight just writing and editing any inconsistencies just so I could post this today. I have a plan for this fic, I am going to make it into a series because I will have a sequel to this. I think you will like it. Btw, listen to my Losers Club themed Spotify playlist. Its called Losers club playlist with a red balloon right next to it by Kenzie. This is my favourite chapter so far because my babies are getting closer! Also, FUCK JK ROWLING.

Tweet tweet: 1) No uncomfortably personal questions, you can decide what that is for you. 2) You cannot lie.  
3) You cannot judge people for their answers 4) One person from one team (Losers and you guys) will ask a question. If it is not directed towards anyone specifically, everyone from that team will answer. The same question WILL be asked to the other team unless it is person-specific. Once twenty questions are asked and answered, we should know eachother a bit more. 

Trashmouth: We will start!

Eds <3: Okay, but you are NOT answering the firsgt question

Trashmouth: firsgt

Eds <3: fuck you. 

B-b-b-bill: Ill start- first question- What are your full names, middle name included.

Doc McStuffins: Carlisle Stregone Cullen

Probably a Karen: Esme Anne Cullen

Emmy: Emmett Dale Cullen

Rosie pie: Rosalie Lillian Hale

Living mood: Jasper Rathbone Hale

A lice: Mary Alice Cullen

Simp 1: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

Bellaboo: Isabella Marie Cullen

Not like other girls: Renesmee Carlie Cullen 

Simp 2: Jacob Taylor Black

B-b-b-bill: Nice names! I’ll start for us.

B-b-b-bill: William Zackary Denbrough

Tweet tweet: Stanley Wyatt Uris

Eds <3: Edward Frank Kaspbrak

Trashmouth: Richard Wentworth Tozier 

Yeehaw: Michael Mr. Chips Hanlon. I changed my legal middle name in honour of my dog. Gone but never forgotten.

Benny boy: You will be missed Mr. Chips.

Benny Boy: Benjamin Jeremy Hanscom.

Queen Bev: Beverly Sophia Marsh.

Probably a Karen: You all have very pretty names.

Benny Boy: Thank you!

Doc Mcstuffins: Our question is: What are you most scared of and why?

B-b-b-bill: Uhm, ill go first

Trashmouth: Remember, tis fine if you don’t want to share Bill

Tweet tweet: aww, the Trashmouth has feelings

Trashmouth: shhhhhhhhhhh, we cant let it get out.

B-b-b-bill: No, its fine, ill share

B-b-b-bill: My biggest fear is actually like a what if? Basically a couple of years ago, my little brother went missing and my biggest fear was that he died and it was my fault. Luckily, he wasn’t dead but I really don’t want it to happen again.

Queen Bev: I am coming round yours to give you a hug right now and you can’t stop me. >:( 

B-b-b-bill: aww, thanks Bev

Doc Mcstuffins: I’m sorry about him going missing

B-b-b-bill: Its okay, ig.

Living mood: not to be insensitive but who is next?

Tweet tweet: me.

Tweet tweet: There used to be this weird ass fuck painting on my dad’s wall of a woman, but like she had messed up facial features and stuff. Also, she was smiling weirdly. Whenever I went in there, it always freaked the shit out of me.

A lice: understandable

Eds <3: it was really creepy.  
Eds <3: Anyways, I’m next

Eds <3: This is going to get a bit dark, so I’m sorry but I want to share it sooo… Basically my mum is a piece of shit. She always taught me every single sickness and little disease you could get from every little thing and just taught me to be afraid of everything. Its why I am a hypochondriac. She used to fake doctors appointments, give me fake diagnosis’ and put me on placebos. She also wouldn’t let me go outside to much for fear that I’d get something and die. It wasn’t fun, to say the least. Anyways, so my biggest fear is sickness and getting ill because of that.

Trashmouth: :(( I fucking hate your mother.

Eds <3: I thought you were in a loving relationship with her.

Trashmouth: I’m a man of many talents.

Bellaboo: I hate your mum

Emmy: same. She seems like a massive bitch.

Eds <3: Oh, believe me she is!

Trashmouth: Looks like I’m up next woohoo.

Trashmouth: Werewolves. I don’t have to explain. 

Simp 2: Why werewolves? Werewolves are cool!

Trashmouth: Imagine you are having a great time with your friends in the woods right. It is peaceful and refreshing. So, you go lay down under the full moon to enjoy the bliss. Suddenly, you hear a snarling noise behind you and your heart is racing now. It was nice a second ago but now theres a weird noise that you cant place. While your in panic mode, a large animal lunges straight for you, making it worse, and putting you in the worst pain you have ever experienced in your whole life. Everything is burning and you already know that you are going to die and that you never got to say goodbye to your friends. You die in agony, begging for it to let you go. Sounds awful, right? That’s the reason I am scared of werewolves. If people can be cold-blooded murderers and brutally mutilate people with a HUMAN thought process and empathy, imagine what a blood-thirsty creature could do.

Trashmouth: that was really long but I think I explained it enough.

Simp 1: that was very in-detail… have you thought about that a lot?

Trashmouth: yep

Not like other girls: im… sorry?

Benny Boy: moving on, my worst fear is vampires and it is for basically the same reason as Richie. Also, I watched some vampire horror movies and had nightmares for months soooo….

A lice: im sure there are some nice vampires out there, if they exist.

Benny boy: perhaps. Still freak me out though

Doc McStuffins: Don’t worry, its completely understandable. 

Queen Bev: Guess I’m next. I don’t want to seem weak or anything but I’d rather not share mine, its quite personal .

Probably a Karen: Don’t worry dear, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.

Emmy: Yeah, we wont judge you for it.

Trashmouth has changed Probably a Karen’s name to ‘Not a Karen’

Queen Bev: Thanks, it means a lot.

Yeehaw: My worst fear is fire because when I was little my house caught on fire.

.B-b-b-bill: That’s it for our side, you?

Doc mcStuffins: I’ll start. My worst fear is my family getting hurt.

Not a Karen: aw that’s sweet

Yeehaw: That’s nice

Not a Karen: Mine is the same as Carlisle’s.

Eds <3: #marriedcouplegoals

Tweet Tweet: rt

Emmy: My worst fear is probably having to take life seriously. I’m quite an easy-going person so that would wreck me.

Trashmouth: I get that, that would definitely be on my list too.

Emmy: yeah

A lice: I’m next! My worst fear is being forgotten or abandoned for obvious reasons.

Benny boy: Yeah, I get that

A lice: :)

Living mood: Mine is probably the same as Carlise’s and Esme’s.

Queen Bev: You guys are such a cute family!!

Not like other girls: aww thanks

Queen Bev: no prob, its true

Simp 1: Speaking of fears, mine is doing anything to hurt Bella.

Bellaboo: aww, I love you too Edward

Simp 1: xx

Yeehaw: I think I can hear Ben squealing…

Beny boy: dONT EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

Bellaboo: lol

Bellaboo: mine is the same as Edwards but like in reverse

Trashmouth: your scared of Bella hurt to anything doing? That’s a unique fear

B-b-b-bill: *facepalm* you are such an idiot Richie

Trashmouth: Aww, Bill, I’m blushing!

Eds <3: It wasn’t a complement, dipshit.

Trashmouth: :0 

Simp 2: I have a feeling we should probably move on quickly so me and Nessie will just quickly say ours.

Simp 2: I’m scared of commitment.

Trashmouth: BROOOO, same

Not like other girls: I’m scared of being a complete outcast.

Eds <3: Can I ask the next question?

Rosie Pie: sure

Eds <3: Say two random facts about yourself

Rosie: I’ll start- Jasper is my twin brother and I have blonde hair

Bellaboo: I am an only child and I hate one (1) ginger bitch.

B-b-b-bill: 11 year old me be like: 

Queen Bev: sksksjjsksksjks BILLLL

Benny boy: noooo hshajhsjksjksjv

Trashmouth: OMFG GOD BILL SHSJJJSHDJSHJ

Tweet tweet: Richie is such a horrible influence on you, Bill. 

Yeehaw: I don’t know what you are talking about Stan, you are laughing your ass off right now.

Tweet tweet: Lies and slander. 

Simp 1: Can someone explain?

Yeehaw: no.

Simp 1: ok.

Simp 1: Emmett once called me an angsty bastard and it stuck and I love classical music.

Trashmouth: EMMETT I LOVE YOU

Trashmouth has changed Simp 1’s name to ‘Angsty bastard’

Emmy: RICHIE I LOVE YOU TOO

Eds <3: Look what you’ve done, Angsty Edward. I am so ashamed of you.

Angsty Bastard: I am sorry. I am ashamed of myself as well.

Rosie pie: Finally people who don’t worship Edward.

Simp 2: Am I a joke to you?

Rosie pie: yes. 

Simp 2: rude

Trashmouth has changed Emmy’s name to ‘Lord Emmett’

Trashmouth: Lord Emmett, do you wanna go next.

Lord Emmett: Sure. I am quite strong and Animal Crossing owns my soul.

Queen Bev: What a king.

Trashmouth: I know right.

Living mood: Can I go next?

Benny boy: sure!

Living mood: I am an empathetic person and I also have blonde hair

Tweet tweet: that’s cool!

A lice: I LOVE fashion and I really want a poodle, but Carlisle wont let me.

Doc McStuffins: We are NOT going to get a poodle.

Trashmouth has changed Doc McStuffins name to ‘Poodle Hater’

Trashmouth: I feel so ashamed of you. How dare you hate poodles! What did they ever do to you?

Poodle Hater: They existed.

Yeehaw: Excuse me! 

Yeehaw: And I thought you were alright….

A lice: Someone gets me!

Poodle Hater: Anyways, my facts are I like reading old books and I am vegetarian.

Eds <3: That’s cool

Not a Karen: I first met Carlisle in a hospital and I am a great cook

Benny boy: How well can you cook muffins?

Not a Karen: really well.

Queen Bev: We have no choice but to stan.

Tweet tweet: rt

Benny boy: rt

Trashmouth: rt

Eds <3: rt

B-b-b-bill: rt

Yeehaw: rt

Not a Karen: Aw thank you

Trashmouth changed Not a Karen’s name to ‘Unproblematic Queen’ 

Queen Bev: Are you saying that I’m problematic, Tozier.

B-b-b-bill: tOzIeR

Eds <3: Richie is dead.

Trashmouth: Of couse not Bev, I was just saying that she is just so amazing that she is a Queen and she hasn’t betrayed us like you did when you said you didn’t like Mean Girls.

Rosie pie: How could you, Beverly!

Queen Bev: I stand by what I said that day.

Queen Bev: And your on thin fucking ice Tozier.

Trashmouth: I wasn’t before?

Queen Bev: *middle finger*

Simp 2: I guess its my turn now. I have two older sisters and I have quite a cool dad.

Queen Bev: #cantrelate

Yeehaw: Bev, no.

Queen Bev: :(

Not like other girls: My name is a combination of both my grandmothers names and I like art

B-b-b-bill: Same!

Not like other girls: :)

B-b-b-bill: I’ll start for us again. I have a sutter from when I was hit by a car when I was three and I live in a place with child murder rates over 6 times the national average.

Rosie pie: wow, that’s dark

B-b-b-bill: yeah, sorry about that

Lord Emmett: no, its fine.

Tweet tweet: Im next. I’m Jewish and I like bird-watching

Trashmouth: *yawns*

Tweet tweet: Okay Mr. I-tried-Bible-study-to-piss-off-Stanely-and-was-stuck-in-it-for-a-year.

Trashmouth: I feel attacked. 

Trashmouth: My two facts are I get straight A’s in school without trying and I can sing every single song in the Be More Chill soundtrack.

Tweet tweet: And you call me boring?

Trashmouth: wow, betrayal. 

Bellaboo: R.I.P Richie

Trashmouth: Thank you for your concern.

Bellaboo: lol im not concerned I just thought you might of died from that burn.

Trashmouth: Does anyone love me??

Eds<3: no.

Trashmouth: :(

Eds <3: I have two fannypacks and once Bill gave me a drawing of Shrek in a bikini and that picture is still hung up in my bedroom. 

Not like other girls: Omg, can I see it?

Eds <3: [strippershrek.pic]

Not like other girls: My eyes have been blessed. Thank you Bill for creating this masterpiece.

B-b-b-bill: Thank you. I believe that is my best piece.

Yeehaw: Can I go next?

B-b-b-bill: yeah, sure. 

Yeehaw: I live on a farm and a cannibal once waved at me with a dead childs arm and I am still not over that.

Living mood: Wow, your town is fucked up.

Yeehaw: tell me about it.

Queen Bev: The Queen is now going to share.

Trashmouth: I thought Esme already shared? 

Queen Bev: I am THIS CLOSE to coming over to your house and punching you directly in the dick, Tozier. Don’t test your luck.

Trashmouth: Okay…. 

Queen Bev: Anyways, my facts are I have red hair and Ben once wrote me a really cute poem when we were eleven and I still have it.

A lice: That is so adorable. I’m squealinggg

Bellaboo: I can attest to that. She sounds like a dying cat.

Trashmouth: sksksjsksjsks

Trashmouth has changed Bellaboo’s name to ‘Bella the Savage’ 

Bella the Savage: I like this new name.

Benny boy: I’m blushing now..

Queen Bev: Awww Ben

Benny boy: I’m the last to go. I was born in Texas and I love learning about History.

Living mood: I think I have found my twin.

Benny boy: yay! 

Living mood: My question is: Would you rather always say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Trashmouth: Easy! Always say everything on my mind, I already do.

Tweet tweet: never speak again

Eds <3: never speak again

B-b-b-bill: never speak again

Benny boy: I would say everything on my mind, I’m quite an open book now to be honest

Yeehaw: never speak

Queen Bev: I usually say what I’m thinking anywy and I can say it quietly so that nobody knows what I’m saying.

Trashmouth: Genius.

Queen bev: Thank you, I try.

Living mood: I would never say anything again.

A lice: I think I would use Bev’s idea of speaking very quietly 

Angsty Bastard: I would never speak again.

Bella the Savage: Same, I’d rather keep my thoughts private.

Lord Emmett: I have nothing to hide so I would just say anything that came to mind.

Yeehaw: Emmett really be out here being an absolute icon and he expects us not to simp. Unbelievable.  
Trashmouth: Someone gets it!

Rosie pie: I’d rather keep my thoughts to myself.

Simp 2: I would never speak again. 

Not like other girls: same

Trashmouth: If you could merge two different animals to create the ultimate animal, which two would they be?

Living mood: I’m sorry, what did you just say?

Tweet tweet: How the fuck do you think of these things?

Trashmouth: Insomnia.

Queen Bev: valid.

Tweet tweet: Ignore his question, we are going to ask a better one. 

Tweet tweet: If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would it be and how would you torment them?

Benny boy: Stanley, who hurt you?

Tweet tweet: would you like a list?

Benny boy: I think I’m good, thanks

Poodle Hater: I don’t think I would, there is nobody I hate enough to do that too.

Unproblematic Queen: ^

B-b-b-bill: You guys are actually so sweet.

Unproblematic Queen: aww so are you guys.

Living mood: I used to know this girl called Maria that was just bad so I’d choose her and I’d torment her by locking her in a glass cube that she cant break out of and filling the room with people. 

Eds <3: An actual king. 

Living mood: You got that right.

A lice: I would lock up my dad and I would torment him by putting a few mind readers in their to predict his unfortunate futures. 

Queen Bev: You guys are so quick. Let me write these down first.

A lice: sksksksksjs  
Lord Emmett: I would get Esme’s past husband and would put in a bunch of bears to rip him apart.

Unproblematic queen: Thanks Emmett

Lord Emmett: Anything for our Unproblematic QUEEN.

Unproblematic queen: That’s going to stick isn’t it.

Lord Emmett: yep.

Rosie pie: I would burn Royce at the stake.

Benny boy: I don’t even know who Royce is but I already hate him.

Yeehaw: ditto

Angsty bastard: Aro. Vision of himself dying over and over.

B-b-b-bill: We stan one (1) angsty bastard.

Tweet tweet: ^

Bella the Savage: Same as Edward but with that Ginger btich.

Not like other girls: I don’t hate anyone enough to do that. 

Simp 2: Edward and I’d show him Bella falling off that cliff that one time and he knows exactly why but I’m not explaining here.

Angsty bastard: I get why but I don’t like it.

Simp 2: Edward, you don’t like anything.

Trashmouth has changed Simp 2’s name to ‘Superior simp’

Superior simp: I am honoured.

Trashmouth: As you should be.

B-b-b-bill: I think everyone here would lock Pennywise in a room and beat him to death. 

Queen Bev: Nah, I’d do my dad. But Pennywsie is a close second.

B-b-b-bill: Yeah, I get that.

A lice: My question is for Richie. Why are you called Trashmouth?

Trashmouth: Because I cant shut the fuck up. 

A lice: That, was very straight-forward

Trashmouth: Just like my dick is when seeing Mrs K.

Eds <3: WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD.

Tweet tweet: beep beep.

Yeehaw: Beep beep motherfucker

Trashmouth: ;)

Eds <3: You are so fucking disgusting.

Trashmouth: :(

Trashmouth: Our question is what is your favourite book?

Poodle hater: My favourite book is probably American Pandemic: The Lost Worlds of the 1918 Influenza Epidemic by Nancy K. Bristow. It is very informative.

Unproblematic queen: I used to be quite a big fan of Enid Blyton books as a little girl.

Lord Emmett: George’s Marvelllous Medicine has always been my favourite book and always will be.

Rosie pie: My favourite book series will always be Percy Jackson.

Bella the Savage: ^^

A lice: ^^^

Living mood: Really just any book to do with the American Civil War.

Not like other girls: I like Harry Potter but the author has just gotta go.

Trashmouth: Everyone say it with me: Fuck J.K Rowling

Everyone in the chat: Fuck J.K. Rowling

Trashmouth: Good to know none of you are transphobes.

Superior simp: Yep. My favourite are the Marvel comics.

Trashmouth: My favourite book is ‘I am Not okay with this’ by I-cant-remember-their-name.

Tweet tweet: Mine is Defending Jacob by William Landay. It is really good.

B-b-b-bill: ^

Yeehaw: I’m emotionally attached to Charlotte’s web.

Benny boy: Im a hopeless romantic so any romance novels really.

Queen Bev: The Hunger Games is my favourite series. 

Unproblematic queen: Favourite song?

Trashmouth: Mr. Blue Sky by Eletric Light Orchestra 

Eds <3: Teenagers by MCR

Queen Bev: Teenagers by MCR 

Queen Bev: Did it also speak to you on a spiritual level?

Eds <3: It did.

Tweet tweet: Im Just a kid by Simple Plan.

B-b-b-bill: House of Memories by P!ATD

Yeehaw: Boy will be bugs by Cavetown

Benny Boy: Please don’t go girl by NKOTB

Poodle Hater: Nice choices! 

Poodle Hater: Wonderwall by Oasis

Unproblematic queen: Bust your kneecaps by Pomplamoose

Living mood: Ophelia by The Lumoneers

A lice: I write sins not tragedies by P!ATD

Rosie pie: all the good girls go to hell by Billie Eilish.

Lord Emmett: Emperor’s New Clothers by P!ATD

Angsty Bastard: Demons by Imagine Dragons.

Bella the Savage: Never ending story but Stranger Things

Superior Simp: Someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi 

Not like other girls: Prom Queen by Beach Bunny

Queen Bev: Well we all have superior music taste. 

Living mood: thankfully

Yeehaw: If you had to pick a new name for yourself, what name would you pick?

Rosie pie: Lara

Lord Emmett: Logan

A lice: Brooke

Living mood: Toby

Poodle Hater: Charlie

Unproblematic Queen: Anne

Angsty Bastard: Robert

Bella the Savage: Kate

Not like other girls: Milli

Superior simp: Aaron

Queen Bev: Betty

Yeehaw: Frank

Benny boy: Jeremy 

B-b-b-bill: James

Trashmouth: Archie

Eds <3: Tommy

Tweet tweet: Oli

Rosie pie: Question,what state do you guys live in?

Benny boy: We live in Maine

Rosie pie: Aw, that’s a shame. We live in Washington so on the other side of the country.

B-b-b-bill: well that’s sad.

B-b-b-bill: What Hogwarts house is everyone in? This is a very important question, I need to know if you can be trusted.

Poodle Hater: I’m a proud Hufflepuff

Unproblematic queen: Also a Hufflepuff :)  
Trashmouth: I knew I got Hufflepuff vibes from you two, you are too sweet to be anything but.

Unproblematic queen: aww, thank you dear.

Rosie pie: I am a Slytherin.

Trashmouth: YES SLYHTERINS UNITE!

Rosie pie: THANK GOD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE

Trashmouth: I KNOW RIGHT! IT’S A SAD LIFE!

Lord Emmett: I am Hufflepuff also.

Queen Bev: So many Hufflepuffs…

Living Mood: Slytherin.

Rosie pie: why the fuck did you never think to tell me? I am your sister!

Living mood: It never came up.

Rosie pie: hmph.

A lice: HUFFLEPUFF IS THE BEST HOUSE.

Trashmouth: nO- 

Angsty Bastard: Ravenclaw

Tweet tweet: fucking finally.

Bella the Savage: Im obviously a Gryffindor

Queen Bev: FINALLY, SOMEONE IN THE SUPERIOR HOUSE.

Superior simp: ^

Not like other girls: ^

B-b-b-bill: I am in Ravenclaw with Mr. Prissy ass over here.

Trashmouth: m r p r i s s y a s s

Trashmouth has changed Tweet tweet’s name to ‘mr prissy ass’ 

mr prissy ass: wow. See the dumbasses I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Trashmouth: Youre talking like you aren’t a dumbass.

Mr prissy ass: *middle finger*

Trashmouth: I am luckily in the best house, Slytherin.

Living mood: All I hear is truth.

Rosie pie: rt

Queen Bev: I already said but I’m a lion for life.

Not like other girls: Thank god

Benny boy: Hufflepuff

A lice: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Benny boy: is that a good thing?

A lice: YES! WELCOME TO THE SUPERIOR HOUSE!

Eds <3: I am also a Hufflepuff

Yeehaw: ^ same

Unproblematic queen: I like how there are so many of us Hufflepuffs

Benny boy: #hufflepuffpride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emmett is superior and Esme deserves more appreciation. The stories (e.g the bikini Shrek and the Angsty Bastard) were just random thoughts. Also, listen to those songs they are so good! While writing this right now, I am listening to House of Memories by P!ATD. I hope I gave the Cullen's personalities. Thank you to quaffleswithsyrup and CarlosAndEvie_Carvie for motivating me to actually write this paragraph. Hope you guys liked reading this paragraph as much as I loved writing it <2


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